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Another shot to his spine, a strike to his heart, driving him to the mat
He gets back up
Dust in his throat, vain panting cracks his lips, gasping for another second of relief
He gets back up
Joints grinding tight, they encumber his efforts, taungting his will to fight
He gets back up
Pain runs like lightening, rakes his limbs, makes sluggish his senses
He gets back up
Ringing in his ears, static in his mind that bloodies his sight
He gets back up
Blackness creeps into his heart, Fear screams for him to quit
He gets back up
Focusing on the rage before him, stemming a break, he finds one more moment
And He gets back up
Once again, and then another
Listening to the story in his gut, like pushing a blackened stone back
Into the wall, the pain is pushed into the recess of his savaged heart
Offering one more stand of resistance, a resolve of tempered faith
He gets back up.

More

Your crisp smile cuts past my guard
Like molten fire that pours right through me
Flickers of desire hidden in some deep, forgotten layer
Feeling of your intensity shrouded beneath ecstasy
Eyes that dance and betray their meaning
Lips that trick me into a calm serenity
Relaxed, drenched in the tranquilityof your sweet, sparkling gaze.
The yearning and wanting; It’s not what you think
Desiring to know a trait, habit, or fear
Wanting everything; all to yourself
As your eyes look through my own
The window into all that I know.
Vulnerable and dependant
Your gaze burns deep into my heart
From which I can't seem to hide
It sees all those hidden thoughts, And every emotion clear
Through your cool, and absolute eyes.

tough

having someone or something that matters to you more than yourself
makes it easy sometimes when you have that right inspiration for the words
that echo the marks on your heart

...the harder part is knowing if your words matter to the one you love
whether your actions, your feelings, your presence matters when you are not around
or whether it is all just noise in your head, a song sung to an empty wind that no one else hears

Hmmm

I'm a caring & compassionate man. Not without flaws, I hope that people at least see me as a good man. But there are some men and maybe even some women whose actions should earn them a blunt end brought on by a boot heel to the throat.

Oldie reborn and in need of work...

Those charming sparkling eyes and captivating lips
Stop my heart and make me flush in an instant.
Her simplistic beautiful manner and graceful whispers
Take my breath away, leaving my chest tight.
I struggle to think, react to her innocent remarks
Every fiber strains against the desires
To express my cares, my feelings, my worth
To hold her close, brush her cheek and kiss her gently
Show her, for once, true and unconditional love.

Again..something to work on

Having broken their bodies and shields against the walls
The knights of St. John stood with renewed hearts and
Uncluttered minds, Washed clean of worry and fears

For the Seafarer in me?

They hush and whisper, swoon and guile
Lips pressed secrets passed rushed winged warnings
Tripping over thoughts and flights of fancy
Wishing outloud over startling laughs of madness
Etching meeger outlines for the days new course.

***

......something new to work on and flush out. Fun what the mind comes up with after a Guinness or two while watching Deadliest Catch

A Start

Shades of green tails dancing to the wavering whispered breaths
Their hint of chill raises the hair on her neck and warmth in her heart
Blushed cheeks touched by splintered rays of light seeking through
The wandering clouds, she's swept up in frolic with sticks and stones littered about her feet.

Notes to myself

Sometimes I just need somewhere to drop the lines that pop into my head, like this one
"Walls of dusted scars"
Later I'll come back to this one and the others...to continue....complete and continuously revise.....

Not mine

Some 'light' reading and came across this:

The Exile

She surely raised her bairns well,
Taught us strength and pride,
Gave us love o' homeland,
But couldna' make us bide.

We set off young, we set off auld,
In search of pastures new
Yet, one by one, along life's way
Find little that would do.

We have our homes, we make a life
On every foreign shore;
Choose a husband, find a wife,
And still we yearn for more.

To soothe a restless, aching heart
We chase another scheme,
Follow one more rainbow
Yet we never still the dream
Aye, she let us go so easily
With never a backward look.

But...how could we know as we sailed or flew
Our heart was a baited hook,
With a line as long as we want it to be
To wherever we may roam,
Till...out of the blue, with one sharp tug "Mother Scotland" reels us home.

Fading light

Gravely breaths push life into his sandy cheeks as he lies quietly upon the cedar planks
Sixty years of sea salt hasnt stifled the relaxing scent of northern woodland winters
The comforting roughness beneath his fingers as he stretches out and opens himself to the sky above.......

.....blocked....I need rest and a vacation

Monday mumblings and tired hands

Wretched wreck of father's first son, wandering through the maze he has recklessly spun.

*****

The body is rather beat up today despite my attempts to relax it over the weekend. Then again so is my psyche. I'm trying to get motivated but the last few weeks have been tough and tiring and neither my mind nor my heart are into a lot except playing with the kiddos, training 4-5 days a week and CG work. these are the things that keep me motivated right now. Got to find the 'corner' and get around it. I'll keep looking.

Random Musings #2

Ran in my first 'road' 5K in a decade yesterday. Actually ran it with Aidan. Tara and Maddy walked it with our sitter Donna. But Bear was sure he wanted to 'run' the 5K the entire way, so we did just that. He impressed me in a way only a parent can understand. Except for short walk breaks to catch his breath and get fired up, he probably 'ran' 60% of the 3.1 mile course and finished strong running the last 1/8-1/4 mile without stopping and pushed ahead of his ol' man at the end. Super proud of him.

As for me. Well, the body held up alright. Hips are both sore today as is my back. But it s a good sore. The left knee made me nervous at about mile 2 but hung in there to finish without noticeable pain. Both arches are REALLY sore but I'm hoping its just from the non-use in these type of conditions and the plantar fasciitis stays in check.

*****

CGAUX stuff going well. Am gaining a lot of momentum with the Flotilla's MS program and working with our Division and District MS Officers.

Working on my MSTR (Marine Safety Training Ribbon) and my AUX-MEES PQS (CG Augmentation qualification) and hope to have them both completed before June.

Boat Crew Academy is winding down. We only have three weeks left of classroom work. Then we have to schedule our on the water training and dockside sign-offs, followed by patrol time as a trainee. Once you feel 'ready' you sign up for a day with a QE (certified instructor who signs off on your all around knowledge and proficiency) and get all your paperwork signed to go up to DIRAUX. Will be glad to get my Wednesday nights back after a long four months.

Love every minute of it....some days I think I'd enjoy doing this fulltime. If the money were there.

****

Spent Saturday completely disengaged from work, Scouts and CG. I needed it as I was truly hitting burnout stage from all three. Back to it this afternoon with prep for Scouts, some CG studying and a few hours in the office for work. Nose to the grindstone.

****

Training has been going well but I over did it a bit last week. Four days in the gym, plus the pool/swim test for the CG, plus a hardcore night of climbing Thursday and my body was completely wrecked. Yesterday was tough but I'll be ready to start up again on Monday. not having a Flotill a meeting this week will also aid in recovery and give me more rest after hours.

****

Random

Decaf coffee...I really don't understand this concept. Why pay money for coffee, much less drink it if it doesn't contain the mother of legal narcotics, caffeine?
I know what most folks will say. They love coffee and have been drinking it for years but wanted to get away from "all that BAD caffeine".
Funny thing is, most of the folks I see drinking 'decaf' seem to drink twice as much which, unless you drink it black, means they are banging back twice as much sugar and/or creamer.
It's good they don't have the jitters from the caffeine cause we'd notice the love handles even more.

For me this ranks up there with Caffeine-Free Mountain Dew and even WORSE...Caffeine-Free, SUGAR-Free Mountain Dew. WTF is the point of that? We reach for Mountain Dew for one reason and one reason alone: I'm dragging and I need a pick up from my local vending machine energy blast.
Without the caffeine and sugar I might as well just pee in a bottle and sell it for a buck n a quarter for all the good it will do you.

Just saying.

Laying here

do you hear me? i tell you to go and you stand there longer
the sounds of my heart, the strafing of my days
looking for my reason, looking for hope, for home
most despise this time, this changing of skies
when the days grow cold, shorter and harsher
but I relish them, looking forward to the darkness

for some, those unlucky few waiting all winter
sunshine is the awakening, blooming of hope and frolic
longer days mean bigger dreams, their faith in later on
forever after and winters melting to spring
but those promises I no longer rely on
dancing reflections I know longer believe

its the dwindling of days, those wilting hours that flit by quickly
pushing me from sleep to sleep, pulling me through
for dreams are within the grasp of those with faith, with hope
looking to hold back the twilight, to steal another hour
but my hope has been battered, my faith shaken and dreams stolen by another
I dont find solice in the sun, nor the slowed ticking of the clock
my heart longs for sleep, escape from the days

so as my hands grow cold and winter bites my senses
it brings to me a greater peace, the safety between dusk and dawn,
a place I can call home under the warmth of a blanket,
behind my shuttered eyes and sheltered heart

Energy abounds

The fire dances, goes round my head
Waiting with a thunderous heart I stir for the moment
Recognizing the the sound, the snap in the air
Like a brush against the barbs I feel the sting of excitement
Those fingertips of anticipation running down my spine
Sharpened sense of desire racing through my veins
Adrenaline coursing within my limbs, the bitter charge upon my lips

An answer to a Question

I was asked and I feel it only fair to answer.
Yes, some of these are older works I started some 17+ years ago being brought back to life.
Others are new, written within the last 6-18 months.
Some are fresh off the turnip cart and still in need of seasoning.
They are all works in progress and by no means 'finished' pieces.

I don't know a writer out there that doesn't have at least one piece if not many that he continually revisists, rewrites and molds for years if not for the rest of their life.

Usque Ad Finem.

Enjoy.

Wanderings

The tallest tree lies here quietly now
Looming before my eyes, it came as quite a shock
Finding myself despite the time of day
In darkening woods without this childhood friend
My guide, my beacon home all those times.
Years ago, before decisions and debacles of maturity
I found myself lost right here, right then
Amongst these clustered towers of rustling shadows
And like a dog chasing his tail I wound myselfIn circles of confusion
Throughout the blanket of gold and bronze.

Stopping with exhaustion, I wept, letting my fear drip down
Frustration sliding down my cold blushed cheeks
And with a thud I dropped, no longer knowing the way
Confused where to look or go and losing hope and daylight
Pressing my face to my hands, resigned to my fate.

I sat waiting for a voice that wasn't calling
Nothing uttered by the silence around me
Except for the frictionless hush of the bare arms above me
I rose to observe the empty fullness reaching toward me
Its arms opened and beckoned me to climb
Suddenly unafraid, crawling with an unlimbering trust
Cradled in its side, finding a spot that seemed fitted for me
And in clearing the tears from my eyes
I could see beyond the twisted thickness below
Past my fears I found the clearest path home
And knew from that day forward I would never be lost again.

But now, lying here it has no use, its offerings long gone
For the child whose future once was yet to be told
The last leaves dropped long ago and its guidance with them
Its armor cracked and humbled to below my gaze
And though I know not when or where, I see myself lying here
In joining my old friend some many years from now
My existence will be torn free from this world
Like loose threads dangling from an overused Argyll jacket
Hoping the next passerby stops and ponders my fate
And remembers me for my guidance to them along the way.

Withered and worn but still laying it down

Looking up from the rocking thunder, having weathered it all
I strain against the ringing still rippling throughout my core
Surveying the damage around me, finding little to impress
Less the scars of remembrance that are better felt than seen
Still standing confidently defiant, a sentry by my side
Chiseled hand of experience upon my shoulder
Preventing me from losing myself to the erosion of anger
Pulling me back from the self absorbed abyss easily drifted into
A well endured strength that stands behind my resolve
Whispering courage into every action, driving my next steps
Purifying my motive, forging my heart's ability to storm forward
Toughening resolve overtime and leaving the metal stronger than before.

In Transit...lots of stops before they are done

Why is it over?
Lost in limbo again left with nothing to grab
Do I feel too much, too little to your liking
Does my heart not bleed red enough for you?
Words I spilled, tender movements I made
What would it take, with my soul in your hands
To know it was safe to close my eyes
Know you'll be here when I wake
And find the pain coming to an end

Telling myself I took the steps to make it
Pushing past the comfortable faded veils
I feel around, blindness I don't understand
I'm straining to see what truly lies beneath
Find the marks I thought we made together
Where is your hand in this writing?
The etchings are all mine, the sweat from my brow
Hints and warning signs were all there
Why did I not notice I was bleeding all alone?

Muse

Thousands of songs
Running through my head
Looking only at you, time stands
Still, I'm somehow sweating struggling
In this cool winter chill, holding you
Tightly, wrapped in warmth
Beside the dancing fires in your eyes

Walking in

Shattered auburn hair reflecting in the sun
Her spirit, a wild dance of dark
And light that catches you quick
Splashing across her sun kissed face, obscuring her
Eyes from my sight, I wait counting breathes
Till she moves
Turning, catching my gaze, she stands
Taking movie starlet strides, her shimmering
Gown, a dream in motion
Across the room, light as air she moves
Silken strands slide down her neck, curled
About her shoulder summoning my desires

weather

split rays fall across her back, light dancing off the beads of sweat rolling across her skin
forehead resting, cradled at the nape of her neck
Thumping in my ears, Can't tell if that is her heartbeat or mine I feel